Yesterday, my second oldest sister, Mei came back home from Beijing! She has been away for three months studying to become a doctor and I am so excited to see her! She also brought her boyfriend along to meet us! This was strange! We are not allowed to bring boys into the house, unless they are relatives. When my father met the boy, you could see his face turn black immediately! He was not pleased nor was my mom. This was the first time I have seen my parents become so furious and if it was not for my mom, I think my dad would have beaten the poor boy up before he could step out of the house! I too was very surprised; out of the three of us, Mei was the most obedient to my parents from a very young age. I cannot believe she would go out of my parents’ way this time!
Although, my parents seem optimistic about allowing us to have an education, they are still very conservative Huis, indeed. Parents play a huge role in marriage at the Na homestead village and the parents generally arrange marriages themselves for their son and daughter (Mackerras 61). I still remember when I was 12 years old, my parents arranged my eldest sister to get married at the age of 17 to my second cousin who was 29 at that time and lived in the city of Tongxin.
I would always hear this one Hui proverb said by all the elders in my village, “Out of ten Hui families, nine are related (Hui Proverb, Gladney, China's Minority Cultures 82)!” This phrase is often used by the Han to disapprove the Hui’s intermarriage but we use this phrase to express the unity of our identity, since we are related through extensive networks (Gladney, China's Minority Cultures 102).
Now I understand the passage my father once read aloud from Chapter 2 Sura 22 of the Quran, it states:
‘Don’t marry unbelieving women (idolaters) until they believe: a slave woman who believes is better than unbelieving woman even though she allure you. Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: a man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever even though he allure you.'
Strong marriage beings when both spouses believe in the Islamic faith. The Hui in Ningxia Hui Autonomous Region are very strict and serious about qing zhen. This is the reason intermarriage with the Han is discouraged! I remember my best friend once describing me a purification process that a Han woman had to go through when a Hui wanted to take her as spouse, she described:
In order to do this and in keeping with tradition, women were often ritually cleansed prior to marriage, through the drinking of soda water (said to clean the large intestine) or consuming of teas that had burned Qur’anic texts dissolved in them (Gladney, China's Minority Cultures 89).
This sounds disgusting, I must admit! Poor boy, he would have to go through the same purification process as the Han woman, I feel so sorry for him.
After, sitting at the dining table for three hours, we got all our misunderstandings solved. Mei’s boyfriend turned out to be better than we have expected. My father’s first question was to know his background! Fortunately, he was a Hui and practiced being qing zhen! I could see my father’s face loosening up a bit but my mother still seemed concerned. Then, I got the opportunity to ask his name. It is Hui Zhong Ma, which means wise and loyalty. He seemed to be a very friendly person, he told us that his dad passed away a few years ago and his mother was in a very ill state to visit us. He lives in Beijing and is currently studying to become an Ahong. After hearing this, both of my parents were very pleased and it looks like a marriage is on its way! He is currently 21 and my sister 18. I am very happy that Mei found her ‘true love’ and a man who is not that much older. It is rare for couples in our village to find spouses without parental connections. She is so fortunate to have avoided my parents’ marriage arrangement; I wonder if I would be as fortunate!
This is a short video clip that further explains the marriage ceremony process. This is to provide an overview of how marriages are done in the Hui minority.
